World Prematurity Baby Week

Eli’s Story, Childbirth, and the Premature Birth of Her Baby

This Week we take advantage of the World Week of the Preterm Child to join in giving voice and visibility to the stories of these Families.

We thank Eli, who with so much Love and Openness shares his story and his story with us.
(Below in Catalan)

What’s your name? Where are you from? What do you do in Life?

I’m Eli. Woman, mother, Doula and Companion and Early Childhood Education Teacher. I am 34 years old and I live in a small village in the Alt Penedès. Since I discovered my passion for early childhood, I have been fully dedicated to it for a long time. And it was from my motherhood, that my life took a 360° turn. I no longer wanted to separate myself from my child in this unnatural way that the system demands of us.

From here and prioritizing a lot of what I felt, I dedicated myself to breeding. At the same time, I experienced how lonely we mothers are, how little accompaniment we have, what shortcomings are experienced inside hospitals… I had many more concerns and needs that I needed to satisfy, and for this reason and many others, I trained as a Doula (the best gift I could have given myself) and I continue to train as a Lactation Consultant.

Currently, I continue to raise and train, and at the same time, I try to materialize and shape a project that allows me to accompany other women in their processes related to motherhood, breastfeeding and parenting.

How is your Family composed? Who accompanies you in your day-to-day life?

My family consists of my partner, my son and me, not forgetting our beloved kitten. In my day to day, I am accompanied by my created family, my family of origin, and I also feel accompanied by friends, many of them also mothers.

What went through your mind, how did you feel, when did you understand that you were going to give birth with prematurity?

The moment I was told I was in labor, it was surreal, to put it mildly. Putting it in context: 34+6 weeks of gestation. July 2020, dehumanizing covid protocols
. We went to the emergency room for a slight but with pain in the belly and kidneys. After an hour, alone with monitors on and my partner waiting outside the office, they tell me that the emergency room is filling up and that I should go home, I insist on the fact that nothing has changed since I arrived. First with bad faces, and then with clear obstetric violence (of different types and with which I will not go into details), the gynecologist just after causing me a significant hemorrhage as a result of a horrible vaginal examination that makes me scream in pain, starts screaming and moving hysterically saying that I am 4cm and that this was an assured cesarean section. And I, crying without understanding anything and with a midwife next to me who instead of offering me a handkerchief, pulled up my mask… At this point they already yelled at my partner to come in with me and explain the situation.

Within this hell, my reaction was strange and ambivalent… On the one hand I trusted in life and that everything could only go well, and at the same time, I was also very afraid, I suffered for my son’s life and I wished with all my strength that he would continue alive and with us (from the time they told me, until the next check-up, more hours passed than necessary, between waiting for the ambulance and driving to a more prepared hospital), I needed my body to keep it
healthy.

I also felt guilty, I thought about what I could have done to trigger labor like this, so quickly. On the other hand, with my partner we looked into each other’s eyes and held hands, he wished me strength, the same strength that I felt for him, feeling that we would move forward with everything that came.

Seeing it from a distance I am aware that, for much of this time, I was out of my mind, as if normalizing a situation that was anything but normal, since added to the unexpected news of having a premature child, we again found ourselves with covid protocols that prevented my partner from being during the cesarean section, with no information about me and our son, that they took my son and I didn’t know anything about him until much later, and a sum of nonsense that unfortunately we will
regret for the rest of our lives. With the help of my psychologist, I understood that this is a protection
mechanism to survive highly shocking and/or traumatic situations.

Did you receive accompaniment?

During this period of time, between birth and admission to the NICU, the accompaniment received was basically that of my partner, with whom we understood and supported each other in a surprisingly good way considering the situation.

Also, in the Neonatal Unit, there were (I think it was once a week) two psychologists who were talking to the different families. It is true that talking to her was a balm, but here too the scarce resources of public health were noticeable, since this is a fundamental service, but insufficient.

I also remember that they explained to us that before the covid era, there were groups of families who met some days to share, but that at that time it was a suspended service for this reason. In addition to this, at a private level I am receiving psychological therapy for everything I have experienced, since this service is never offered by the public health system.

Did they propose to you to do skin to skin?

In our case, my son required help to breathe well, and once stabilized he was taken away. Since I was still on the floor with my legs asleep, they didn’t let me go down with him until almost 12 hours later. From here on, yes, we always did skin to skin for as long as possible, both me and his father.

Between us, we took shifts and we were one during the day and the other at night. It was very hard, but that way we made sure that he was accompanied and embraced by one of the two.

What kind of support did you receive with breastfeeding?

In the NICU breastfeeding has always been promoted, it is already known that this is the best we can offer to the newly born, and especially if they need a little push for having been born prematurely.

Breastfeeding in the NICU is very hard, since to achieve a good production what is done is (at least in the hospital where we went): weigh the child, offer the breast with all that it entails, tubes, nasal tube, cables…, weigh the child again, if it does not reach the minimum weight of what it is supposed to take, we have to supplement. The first option is always breast milk and if there is not enough it is done with formula. Next, breast milk is expressed with the breast pump, to have a bank to which you can turn in case supplementation is needed. And this that is said so quickly, is done religiously every 3 hours, every day of admission, day and night.

For us, despite the fact that it was difficult, during the stay in the neonatal unit we managed to breastfeed mixedly, supplementing with both formula milk and my expressed milk, but once we got home everything was easy: our schedules, breasts on demand, no machines that beep constantly, tranquility, our beloved bed… We were already together in our house, We had it all!

It is true that breastfeeding has been a good lifesaver to catch me, taking into account that nothing we had planned for the birth of our son went as we expected… in fact, 27 months later, and we’re still going!

The accompaniment received regarding breastfeeding was that of all the staff that was there, but it must be said that in each shift there was only one lactation consultant for the entire unit, everything and the great need for it. I will always be grateful for the treatment, the sensitivity, the respect, the delicacy, the way of doing things so upright of the M., I will never forget it. I am infinitely grateful for how it helped us, and I think that in part thanks to this, I would like so much to be able to help other women and children with their breastfeeding.

The rest of the nurses and auxiliaries, they all have an idea of breastfeeding, and everyone tries to help with the best intentions, but it is clear, sometimes we found ourselves lacking a quorum regarding some things.

What did you miss?

What I missed, to begin with, were humanized and coherent protocols at the hospital level, both for mothers, for children, and for the family system.

At the level of infrastructure, it is already known that it is complicated, but it is very hard to be on the maternity ward surrounded by babies, with empty arms and a broken heart because your child cannot be with you. There is also a lack of many more professionals who are experts in breastfeeding, since those who do exist cannot dedicate all the time that would be needed to each of the families, in the same way that they are needed in the plant, especially at the beginning.

On a personal level, we missed an emotional support figure who understood the situation, who we could talk to, cry, ask questions, vent, or even be silent with.

On a logistical level, if you stay in the hospital with the child for many hours, someone who can help cook, prepare tupperware, take the dog for a walk, make washing machines, water the plants… since when one of the couple has to do it, it is an overexertion that adds to this delicate situation.

What would you say to a woman who is going through the same thing?

To a woman and family that is going through this, little can be said to improve the emotions that flow in these moments… To begin with, simply be, listen, be available for both emotional and logistical support.

If I had to say something, maybe I would tell them that it is very hard, yes. May you stay together and support each other, that your creature needs you more than anything else. That you have to achieve small milestones and go step by step, because the rhythm, like each heartbeat, will be marked by the creature that has just been born, and you will be there, to celebrate life and the love that springs up in you. Together.

____________

Com et dius? D’on ets? What Happens to Life?

Soc l’Eli. Dona, mare, Doula i acompanyant i mestra d’educació infantil. Tinc 34 years and views in a village in l’Alt Penedès. Des que vaig descobrir la meva passió per la petita infància, m’he dedicat a aquesta plenament durant molt de temps. It will be from the meva maternitat, that the meva life will give a 360º volta. I was never again separated from the creature of this unnatural way that the system demands.

A partir d’aquí i prioritzant molt, em vaig dedicar a criar. Alhora, vaig viure com de soles estem les mares, quin poc acompanyament tenim, quines mancances es viuen a dins dels hospitals… em van sorgir moltes inquietuds i necessitats més que necesssitats me que necessitava satisfer, i per aquest motiu i molts d’altres, em vaig formar com a Doula (el millor regal que m’he pogut fer) i segueixo formant-me com a lactància assessor.

Actually, I continue to create, form, and alhora, I intend to materialize and donate form to a project that allows me to accompany other gifts in the processes related to motherhood, lactation and parenting.

Com està composada la teva Família? Who will you accompany on a day-to-day basis?

The best family is formed by my company, the most complete and jo, sense oblidar- nos del nostre gatet estimat. In the day to day, I have accompanied the best family created, the best family of origin, and also in the company of friends, moltes of them also seas.

Què et va passar pel cap, com et vas sentir quan vas entendre que anaves a donar a llum amb prematuritat?

The moment in which they are going to say that they are going to leave, is going to be surreal, but they are going to say in some way.

Posant in context: 34+6 sets of gestation. July 2020, dehumanizing covid protocols. Acudim a urgències per un lleu però constant doloret a la panxa i ronyons. After an hour alone with monitors posats and the best waiter for the consultation, they say that they are urgent and that Marxi goes home, insist on the fet that he has not changed from that he has arrived.

First with bad cares, and then with clear obstetric violence (of different types and with which I will not go into details), the gynecologist just after causing me a major hemorrhage as a consequence of a horrible vaginal examination that will cause pain, is posed to cridar and to mure’s in a historical way that is 4cm and that això was an assured. I jo, plorant sense entendre res i amb una llevadora al costat que en comptes d’oferir-me un mocador, em pujava la mascareta… En aquest, punt ja van cridar la meva parella perquè entrés amb mi i per explica-li a ell la situació.

Dins d’aquest infern, la meva recció va ser estranya i ambivalent… Per una banda confiava amb la vida i amb què tot només podia anar bé, i alhora, també tenia molta por, patia per la vida del meu fill i desitjava amb totes les meves forces que ell seguís viu i amb nosaltres (des que m’ho van dir, fins al proper control, van passar més hores de les necessàries, Between the wait for the ambulance and the final journey to a hospital more preparat), it is necessary for the man to be able to do so.

I also felt guilty, I thought about what could have happened but it is to trigger the part així, so pressa. Per altra banda, amb la meva parella ens vam mirar als ulls i ens vam agafar les mans, em va desitjar força i també vaig viure-ho amb molta empenta, sentint que tiraríem endavant amb tot el que vingués.

Veient-ho en la distància soccient que, durant gran parte d’aquest, vaig estar fora de mi, com normalitzant una situació que era de tot menys normal, ja que sumat a la notícia inesperada de tenir un fill prematur, novament ens vam trobar amb protocols covid que van prevent la meva parella hi fos durant la cesària, amb nul·la informació sobre mi i el nostre fill, que s’enduguessin el meu fill i jo no sabés res d’ell fins molt més tard, i un seguit d’altres despropòsits que unfortunately regretrem tota la vida. Amb l’ajuda de la meva psicòloga vaig entendre que aquestre es un mecanisme de protecció per a superviure a situacions altament impactants i/o traumàtiques.

Vas rebre Acompanyament?

During this period of time, between the naixement and the admission to the NICU, the accompaniment will be basically that of the best part, with which in the ins we will understand and in a surprising way in which the situation is surprising.

Also, to the Neonats Unit, there were psychologists who spoke with different families. The truth is that speaking with her was a bàlsam, but here it is also noteworthy of the scarce resources of public health, since this is a phonetic service, but insufficient.

I also remember that you explain that you were in the covid era, there were groups of families that are gathering some days to share, but at that time it was a suspès service for this reason. A banda d’això, a nivell privat estic rebent teràpia psicològica per tot el viscut, ja que de la sanitat pública en cap moment s’ofereix aquest servei.

Et van proposar pell amb pell?

En el nostre cas, el meu fill va necessita ajuda per respirar bé, i un cop estabilitzat se’l van endur. Com que jo estava a planta encara amb les cames adormides no em van deixar baixar amb ell fins quasi 12 hores més tarde. From here on, yes, always go fer pell with pell the maximum possible time, as much as it is for the rest of the day.

Entre nosaltres, fèiem torns i estàvem un de dia i l’altre de nit. Va ser duríssim, però així ens asseguràvem que estava acompanyat i abraçat per un dels dos.

Lactància? Quin tipus d’acompanyament et va ajudar?

The NICU is always going to promote maternal lactation, since it is known that this is the best that we can offer to recent babies, and especially if they need an empenteta per hascut abans de temps.

The lactation to the NICU is very hard, since it is possible to get a good production that is fa és (almenys a l’hospital on vam ser nossaltres): to weigh the child, to offer the pit with all that it entails of tubes, nasal tube, cables…, to weigh the child again, if it does not reach the minimum of the fish that it is supposed to have to ignite, Supplemental lime. The first option is always maternal and if not enough is fa mb formula. Subsequently, it is proceeding to the extraction of the maternal llet with the tirallets, in order to have a bench to which to be able to travel in cases that are necessary to supplement. I això que es diu tan rapid, es fa religiosament cada 3 hores, cada dia d’ingrés, dia i nit.

To us, everything that will cost, during the stay at the neonatal unit we will get a mixed lactation, supplementant so much with the formula with the best milk extract, but a cop arrives home all will be easy: our hours, breast on demand, sense machines that constantly beep, tranquil·litat, our estimation llit… Ja estàvem junts a caseta nostra, ho teníem tot! The truth is that lactation has been a good saving on agafar-me, tenint en compte que res del que teníem previst pel naixement del nostre fill va sortir com esperàvem… de fet, 27 mesos més tard, i encara seguim!

The company with respect to lactation will be that of all the personnel who have it, but it will be said that in each year there is a lactation assessor for the whole unit, all the great lack that fa. I will always be grateful for the tract, the sensitivity, the respect, the delicacy, the manner of fer so integral of the M., not l’oblidaré mai. Agraeixo infinit com ens va ajudar, i crec que en partgràcies a això, m’agrataria tant poder ajudar altres dones i criatures amb la seva lactància.

La resta d’infermeres i auxiliars, totes tenen idea de lactància, i tothom tries to help with the best intention, but it is clear, de vegades ens trobàvem amb manca de quòrum respecte a algunes coses.

What are you going to miss?

The one that will be missing, but to begin with the need to be human protocols and coherents at the hospital level, so much for the seas, for the children, for the family system.

A nivell d’infraestructures ja se sap que és complicat, però és duríssim estar a la planta de maternitat envolvada de nadons, amb els braços buits i el cor trencat perquè la teva cri no puede estar amb tu.

There is also a lack of professional professionals who are experts in breastfeeding, since those who hi ha cannot dedicate all the time that would be cooked to each of the families, in the same way that fan lacks the plant, especially the beginnings. On a personal level, we will be missing some figure of emotional support that understands the situation, whether you can talk, plore, ask questions, let off steam, or end and remain in silence.

At the logistical level, if you stay at the hospital with the creature moltes hores, sempre anirà bé algú que pugui ajudar a cuinar, fer carmanyoles, treure el gos a paseejar, fer rentadores, regar les plantes… And when he has to be a part of the parella is an overexertion that is added to this delicate situation.

Què li diries a una Dona que està passant per això?

To a lady and family that this past year, little thing can be said by millorar the emotions that flow in these moments… D’entrada, ssimply ser-hi, escort, estar disponible tant perdar suportar emotional com logistístic.

If you have to say something, potser els I would say that it is molt dur, yes. Que segueixin junts i es facin molt costat, que la seva criatura els necessita més que a cap altra cosa. Que cal anar assolint fites petitones i anar passet a passet, perquè el ritme, com cada batec, el marcarà la criatura que acaba de néixer, i vosaltres sereu allà, per celebra la vida i l’amor que brolla en vosaltres. Junts.